shitty day

Today is one of those days...so I am going back to bed and try this again in a few hours......

twenty-one questions....

so today i was typing up some pages that I had added to my novel, when in a moment of silence i had some questions pop into my head............

1)..who's Idea was it that we pay for food?....I mean, god made sure that when he placed us here all the food we needed was supplied. So why do I have to pay 2 dollars for bread?

2)why do I have to pay for a casket? why cant we just dig a hole and bury the dead.......

3) why do people kill in the name of god?..i mean isn't that a oxymoron to use kill and god in the same sentence.

4) Why aren't we afraid of angels?..... think about it... angels do some pretty scary shit!

5)Why should I take the medications a doctor gives me? have you ever watched those commercials where they are telling you about a medication and then they quickly list 50 other problems the 1 medication can cause......

7) Why did they invent Paramalat Milk?....the bigger question is why do I need milk with a 5 year shelf life??

8)Why am I considered overweight?...if I lived in Guam...i would be a sexy....

9)Why am I only allowed to have ONE husband when I CLEARLY need 5?

10)Why do I have to wear a bra in public? My girls( boobs) really want an answer........

11) WTF is up with the thought that humans evolved from Apes?...i am not an ape! never been an APE!...my husband might have come from Apes...but i cannot speak for him.

12) Why do we believe EVERYTHING in the bible? OK, if bible was written by MAN and inspired by god....how do we know if the folks doing the writing weren't schizophrenic...i mean I wasn't there and neither were you........

13) How did the space travel come about? i mean really, all the calculations had to be estimations. So what did they tell the first astronauts.." hey fellas, we not really sure about how much air or fuel you will need to get to the moon, but if you make it you will be hero's"

14) Since we only use 10% of our brains, what the hell is going on in the other 90%?

15) Where do dreams come from? if we are dreaming about someone, are they dreaming about us?

16) why can't I bring some wine and cheese to the park ,dance naked if I am moved to do so without being arrested.

17)Why do I HAVE to be something...why can't i just be?

18)who says i have to be white, tall, blond and a size 6 to be happy? frankly, because i really am enjoying being short, fat and black....

19) Why is it that we don't feel our mortality until be have children?

20) Why have I been assigned the duty of a scribe?

21) drum rollllll please! how is it that every other species on earth knows, without question, their lot in life, except us humans?

if i died tonight

If I died tonight, who would care that I had lived?
If I died tonight, who would care?
Would they care that I had laughed,
that I had cried.
That I had loved and hated.
That I had forgave, felt pain and had
felt shame.
That I poured out my soul.
That I poured out my blood.
That I had married, divorced and
that my body never carried a child.
Would they care that I could not
sleep or that I slept too much.
That I drank too much; that I
thought and talked too much.
That I did not smile a lot.
That I abused my body and
that I allowed others to
use me
choose me
bend me but never break me.
That I
Caressed, possessed, touched, tasted
and gotten wasted because I could
never figure out what made the
world go round.
Would they know that for every night
I lay helpless; there was a day I was
Strong.
Could they care that for every storm
that racked my brain; there would be
a day of peace.
Would they understand that for every
argument,black eye and night of
bruises and loss of control..
there came a day of absolute
freedom!!
If I died tonight... Who would care?

Driftin...

Driftin... driftin
Can't seem to find my ground....
Silent! It's so silent
I can't even hear a sound.
My thoughts are in disarray
can't even find a place to stay.
Constantly driftin...
Always on my own
Never shined; never shone.
I ain't got nothin..
Never had a piece of the pie.
I lay here look'in up at the clear blue sky
pray'in and askin why
I'm still driftin.

woman

I am a woman!
I want you to rejoice in all that I have to offer.
I am a black woman!
this alone, makes my love unique.
I am a strong woman...
this makes me able to withstand any hardship.
I am a mystery...
this makes me an enigma in your eyes.
I have been beaten, i have been tortured,
i have been abused,
but still I remaine!
Still I remanin!!
I look at you as you sleep and you are beautiful to me.
If you take the time to step into my chamber,
then you might understand what i am.
If you take the time linger inside me,
then you might know what it is to experience me.
If you take the time...you can make me yours.

the art of having me

Slap me! Fuck me!
Use me! Steal me!
Twist me! Turn me!
Taunt me! Take me!
Bend me! Kneel me!
Break me! Shake me!
Foresake me! Restrain me !
If you must do any of those things;
you cannot have me.
If you must do any of those things; you cannot possess me.
If you must do any of those things, you are lost.
Caresses me! Love me!
Lick me!
Taste me!
Show me! Suck me!
Spread me! Sip me !
Enjoy me ! Teach me!
Own me! Console me!
Hold me! Hear me!
Consider me ! Crown me!
I am yours.

the making of we

As I lay here before you
I realize that you are what I desire.
Come...come,
I am waiting for you.
Come and make love to me.
To the whole of me.
Tease my mind with a sweet melody of metaphoric phrases.
Allow my soul to feed on your essence, so that I might be made full.
Tenderly caress my spirit and we can experience the wisdom of the ages together.
Allow me to touch you in places that until now, have been your secret.
Grant me permission to taste your body, so that I may know you.
Set aside all of your fears and I will explore you without restraint.
Give up your mysteries to me
and
I will make the kind of love to you
that will set you free.

freedom

Turning! Screaming! Fighting
Ripping at my aura,but
my skin holds me prisoner.
Hold me down!
Help me escape!
Spinning Left!
Spinning Right!
I spin until I am nauseous.
The explosion releases me.
Dispelling my soul,
Scattering my spirit to the
four Corners of the universe and she accepts me.
The wind is gracious enough to hold me
carrying me to utopia and I inhale freedom.
I am allowed to caress the face of god!
The mysteries of existence are
revealed
I am
home!

Nosferatu

Nosferatu…Come unto me...
Yes, this is the invitation you have been waiting for.
Allow me to experience the pleasure of your pain.
Your body weighs heavy on mine and I can feel your breath on my neck as you quietly demand my total submission.
I will give it to you deliberately and without reservation,
But, I need you to
give me a glimpse of your intention...please.
Ahhh, I can see clearer now as you drain me, mind, body and spirit.
My mundane thoughts and infantile behaviors are replaced during my transformation by the knowledge and wisdom of a thousand generations.
My body stiffens unsure and afraid, but your soft caress reassures it of its impending immortality.
My rebirth is marked by the
amplification of my ears,
the excitement of my skin, the sensitivity of my touch and the powerful scent of human flesh.
I am overwhelmed by the awareness of my body and the exhilaration of knowing that all of these things will never end.
Come to me Nosferatu and bow your head.
Prostrate yourself before me, and beg me to join you.
Bow to the knowledge that there is another
and take comfort in the fact that you will never be alone
again.